Singing Like Dumisani

After the anthem scandal in France 2 weeks ago I have received a plethora of e-mails mocking Mr Dumisani. Here is two of my favorites...


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Dumisani gets the Wackhead treatment...

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Mama....MAMA...Mama?.....Dada...

Some Wednesday entertainment...


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I'm a complete catch...

Its been a while since I have posted here but I have been receiving this link from a couple of friends and thought I'll share again, cause its class...

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

After listening to the original listen to him getting the Wackhead treatment...

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The Dead Horse Theory

Dakota Native American tribal wisdom, passed on from generation to generation, says:

"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount and get a different horse."

However, in educative, corporate and governmental Southern Africa, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that the dead horse can be included.

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as 'living impaired'.

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9. Providing additional funding and / or training to increase dead horse's performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overheads and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

And of course ...

13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position!

If you understand the above, then you are obviously a South African.
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WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED?

Some light entertainment laced with interesting links for Wednesday afternoon...

Men Are Just Happier People

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is R15.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes [DKW's - Thats Dans, Werk, Kerk] - one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.
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You are just jealous because the voices only talk to me

This not only a favourite old bumper sticker (not that SD condones bumper stickers in any way, shape or form), but it is absolutely ridiculous that that some people actually think that they can get away with stuff as long as God told them to dot it.

A man from Texas shows us how...


This guy in San Antonio, Texas rammed a woman's car off the road at 100mph (160kph) because God told him "she needed to be taken off the road."

Click this link to read the complete article on what happens when the voices start to speak to you.

Beware the voices...

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Dream Holiday

You might have noticed the Saffa being a little blog lite lately. Well here is why...

So The Saffa decided to go on a holiday in Alexandra. He searched high and low for a good deal on a lastminute booking. Scouring the Internet and phoning every imaginable travel agent but he finally got this –5* hotel. Never would he imagine that a place like this existed. A dream holiday indeed…

Here are the pics of this once in a lifetime visit hotel (if you drift my meaning…)



I still have dreams (if that is what i should call them) about dodging bullets while having tea on the balcony...

But beyond the murdering and plundering going on all around The Saffa considers him lucky being a temporary resident here, cause notable residents and ex-residents of Alexandra include:

Nelson Mandela
Zanele Mbeki (wife of President Thabo Mbeki)
Mark Mathabane (Tennis player and author of the autobiography Kaffir Boy).
Samora Machel (former Mozambiquan President)
Alfred Nzo (South African Minister of Foreign Affairs 1994-1999)
Joe Modise (South African Minister of Defence 1994-1999)
Hugh Masekela (musician and trumpeter)

Saffa
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James Bland...

Another cracker loaded on YouTube. The Clip is from a BBC series called "Dead Ringers". One of my fav sketch shows. I know, I know, its sad but in this world you have to find something to make you laugh.

Its a spoof of the much beloved (by every 10 year old girl or gay man of any age) "Beautiful" video from James Blunt... Enough, have a look and turn it up. Enjoy...

Saffa

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The Devil went to Cape Town...

After the CT riots, I thought this one would be very appropriate. Geniet dit...

The devil goes to Cape Town, meets Gatiep and asks: "Do you know who Iam?"

Gatiep replies: " Nei man. Djy's nie vannie kaap nie, give me ahint."

The devil says : "I'm the prince of darkness."

Gatiep exclaims: "Ooh, djy's 'n bigshot by Eskom!"
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What is that?

Is it a BIRD?

Is it a PLANE?

NO!

IT'S SUPERDOOS!!!

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Winter is here...

With winter arriving in Brakpan, its time to get out that old seat warmer...


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Russian Model's "Blonde" Moment

This poor little Russian model (Tatyana Simanava), mistook the emergency exit on a coach in NY for the facilities door and fell straight out of the bus, nearly landing under the weels.

The poor kitten's shoulder, arm and face took a bit of a trashing that "would put her carreer on hold for a bit". This just goes to show why every beatiful girl always has a posse of mingers hanging with them. It's to check signs, explain the instructions on packaging, etc.

Although the utter ignoramus like behaviour should be treated with no compassion at all, I cannot help but to take another look at the picture and my hart bleeds...

I will be starting the "Help Tatyana Get Better (at reading) Fund" next week. Any donations of books for 2-5 year olds welcome.

Saffa
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New Zealand up for Sale on Ebay

In my days, I have seen some healthy and unhealthy Kiwi / Aussie rivalry. But this has to take the cake.

Alledgedly, this Aussie bloke from Brisbane tried to sell New Zealand on ebay. Ebay put a stop to the sale, but you have to give it to this guy for having balls and pronouncing to the world that he hates Kiwi's.

The add has been taken off with the price standing at $3050 and was titled "New Zealand: Slightly Used". The seller goes on to say on the add "Its no longer required", "Comes with heaps of sheep", "Very ordinary weather" and my personal favorite "The dogiest American Cup win ever".

Whoever you are "mate", I will not leave my house for a few few days and not cross that border ever in my life again.

Watch the ONENews report here.

Do you guys think there is any way Ebay will allow us to offload Mogabe, not that I think we'll get much.

Saffa Dude

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Round the world trip for a Cash Machine

G'day peeps. I feel like sharing this one.

As you know I am reside in London town and I earn my cash, in a part of town called Holborn (pronounced Ho'burn). Well... Yesterday, around 1pm I decide to do my daily sandwich run. Relishing the opportunity to catch some of this weird thing everybody has been talking about. I think they call it sunshine (or something like that), that I still believe this is just a myth in London. But let me not deviate from the essence of the story.

To buy my beloved sandwich I need somefinc called cash. Now, I have heard that this "cash" can be obtained at, what is called a "cash machine". Great, I can already taste the chicken, ham and cheese toasted chiabata... I am ready to go.

One Problem: I don't know where the nearest "cash machine" is. But hey, this is the digital age where you can find anything on the net. I hop over to my trusty Barclays website and within a few clicks I am at the "Branch and cash machine locator". I select "Barclays/Woolwich cash machine" and type in "Holborn" in the "London street" section and slam that "Next" button quicker than Latvian can get a pub job.

The list of results pop up immediately (I love my broadband). And you think that would be it. I am off to go get a my lunch.

Second problem: See if you can spot it.

You got it! 14,913.8 Miles to the nearest cash machine. I bet this site has already booked me a ticket on BA and check me in on there online check in system.

After recovering from shock me colleague told me there is one just up the street. And its definitely not 14,000+ miles away. The sweet relief... Allegedly Barclays have hooked up with Multimap on this and Multimap is to blame.

You'll be happy to know that I did get my sandwich and I dint have to travel to Antigua to get the cash. Although that might have been a good trip.

Saffa

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What have we become...

It's sad I know... But yet in some strange way very funny...
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