Mothers hide your children...

Mothers, hide your children...

Zoo's, hide your monkeys...

Plastic Surgen's, get your scalpels ready...

Cause MJ is coming to town.

"US pop icon Michael Jackson has told a newspaper he wants to live in Britain because he loves the country.

Speaking to the tabloid Daily Mirror in an interview published on Thursday" News24

Saffa
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Dream Holiday

You might have noticed the Saffa being a little blog lite lately. Well here is why...

So The Saffa decided to go on a holiday in Alexandra. He searched high and low for a good deal on a lastminute booking. Scouring the Internet and phoning every imaginable travel agent but he finally got this –5* hotel. Never would he imagine that a place like this existed. A dream holiday indeed…

Here are the pics of this once in a lifetime visit hotel (if you drift my meaning…)



I still have dreams (if that is what i should call them) about dodging bullets while having tea on the balcony...

But beyond the murdering and plundering going on all around The Saffa considers him lucky being a temporary resident here, cause notable residents and ex-residents of Alexandra include:

Nelson Mandela
Zanele Mbeki (wife of President Thabo Mbeki)
Mark Mathabane (Tennis player and author of the autobiography Kaffir Boy).
Samora Machel (former Mozambiquan President)
Alfred Nzo (South African Minister of Foreign Affairs 1994-1999)
Joe Modise (South African Minister of Defence 1994-1999)
Hugh Masekela (musician and trumpeter)

Saffa
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James Bland...

Another cracker loaded on YouTube. The Clip is from a BBC series called "Dead Ringers". One of my fav sketch shows. I know, I know, its sad but in this world you have to find something to make you laugh.

Its a spoof of the much beloved (by every 10 year old girl or gay man of any age) "Beautiful" video from James Blunt... Enough, have a look and turn it up. Enjoy...

Saffa

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Bike with Baalz...

Firstly, all apologies for the lack of posts lately. I have now recovered from my vegestative, bloggers block state and back with avengence, with some schweet surprizes. Watch this space..

To kickstart (pun intended) the Saffa Dude's spot again: In the words of Borat (our Kazchstani friend) WOW-WOW-WIE-WA. I want one, I want two, Dammit give me a dozen. This offroad bike dubbed "BAAL" is a concept entered into the MichellinChallange Design. Still just a concept, but as soon as this goes to market, it will definitely feature in the Saffa Dude's - Must Have's section.

" It is based on a bendable rubber track that guarantees maximum traction as well as freely changeable directions. To make the handling more comfortable and interesting, the vehicle is steered by hands and feet

The displayed models use 500 ccm ATV Motor which are already mass produced. In general, this engine concept makes many different terms of use possible. In this case, two of them were further developed.

Baal uses the engine concept and its unbeatable off road advantages as a race device. Made for professional riders, it has a very light body and a broad handlebar. This concept could take part in rallies Paris-Dakar or the Baja races. "

As I said, Sign Me Up for a dozen...

Saffa Dude

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The Devil went to Cape Town...

After the CT riots, I thought this one would be very appropriate. Geniet dit...

The devil goes to Cape Town, meets Gatiep and asks: "Do you know who Iam?"

Gatiep replies: " Nei man. Djy's nie vannie kaap nie, give me ahint."

The devil says : "I'm the prince of darkness."

Gatiep exclaims: "Ooh, djy's 'n bigshot by Eskom!"
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What is that?

Is it a BIRD?

Is it a PLANE?

NO!

IT'S SUPERDOOS!!!

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Winter is here...

With winter arriving in Brakpan, its time to get out that old seat warmer...


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So much...

Yes, So much to write today, but to little time, so here is some entertaining links...

Wendel Sailor. The Big Fast Dumb - LINK

Those hot cutie celebs doing what they do best, sell-it girls - LINK

Camron Diaz, schweeter than pie. As long as you dont ask for her autograph - LINK

Tom Cruise remains a lo-ooo se her in the: Tom vs Bugatti stand-off - LINK

Sir Alan Sugar: Better than a singing fish - LINK
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Best Movie Scenes #2 - Plot Twist

The second installment of best movie scenes from the desk of Saffa Dude, looks at plot twists. Thinking of GREAT plot twists quite a few movies jumps to mind. Of which Sixth Sense with Bruce Willis and Haley Joel Osmond was the first to that I could think of. Definitely a great twist and without the revelation the film would probably be pretty average.

The next to grab my attention is Primal Fear with Richard Gere and Edward Norton in which Norton delivers one of his trademark performances a s a priest killer with multiple personality syndrome. Norton is so convincing in his portrayal of this character that you would never guess the true outcome that is revealed in the last 2 minutes of this film.

The two films mentioned above is top notch examples of unforgettable plot twists but the Saffa Dude #1 spot goes to Kaiser Soze. The character portrayed as the Devil reincarnated by Kevin Spacey in The Usual Suspects. With a star studded cast and Spacey's delectable story telling as a cripple throughout the movie. Although several hints are dropped throughout the movie regarding the real identity of Kaiser Soze, they are not recognizable until the movie is watched for a second time.

So the #1 spot goes to: The Usual Suspects
Cast: Stephen Baldwin, Gabriel Byrne, Benicio Del Toro, Kevin Pollak, Kevin Spacey, Chazz Palminteri
Favorite Quote: "The greatest trick the devil has ever played, was to convince the world he does not exist."

Other movies that deserves a mention:
The Matrix (Scene where Neo is "unplugged" for the first time and sees the tower of human batteries)
Fight Club (another undeniably awesome performance by Edward Norton)
The Shawshank Redemption
Lucky Number Slevin
12 Monkeys

Saffa Dude
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Russian Model's "Blonde" Moment

This poor little Russian model (Tatyana Simanava), mistook the emergency exit on a coach in NY for the facilities door and fell straight out of the bus, nearly landing under the weels.

The poor kitten's shoulder, arm and face took a bit of a trashing that "would put her carreer on hold for a bit". This just goes to show why every beatiful girl always has a posse of mingers hanging with them. It's to check signs, explain the instructions on packaging, etc.

Although the utter ignoramus like behaviour should be treated with no compassion at all, I cannot help but to take another look at the picture and my hart bleeds...

I will be starting the "Help Tatyana Get Better (at reading) Fund" next week. Any donations of books for 2-5 year olds welcome.

Saffa
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New Zealand up for Sale on Ebay

In my days, I have seen some healthy and unhealthy Kiwi / Aussie rivalry. But this has to take the cake.

Alledgedly, this Aussie bloke from Brisbane tried to sell New Zealand on ebay. Ebay put a stop to the sale, but you have to give it to this guy for having balls and pronouncing to the world that he hates Kiwi's.

The add has been taken off with the price standing at $3050 and was titled "New Zealand: Slightly Used". The seller goes on to say on the add "Its no longer required", "Comes with heaps of sheep", "Very ordinary weather" and my personal favorite "The dogiest American Cup win ever".

Whoever you are "mate", I will not leave my house for a few few days and not cross that border ever in my life again.

Watch the ONENews report here.

Do you guys think there is any way Ebay will allow us to offload Mogabe, not that I think we'll get much.

Saffa Dude

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Do you hate your job?

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this. On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is "personally tested". Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the Thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson."

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS.
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Jamie Pressley

One for the Boys...

Jamie Pressley in Maxim UK. I need no more reason to post this link...

Saffa
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Round the world trip for a Cash Machine

G'day peeps. I feel like sharing this one.

As you know I am reside in London town and I earn my cash, in a part of town called Holborn (pronounced Ho'burn). Well... Yesterday, around 1pm I decide to do my daily sandwich run. Relishing the opportunity to catch some of this weird thing everybody has been talking about. I think they call it sunshine (or something like that), that I still believe this is just a myth in London. But let me not deviate from the essence of the story.

To buy my beloved sandwich I need somefinc called cash. Now, I have heard that this "cash" can be obtained at, what is called a "cash machine". Great, I can already taste the chicken, ham and cheese toasted chiabata... I am ready to go.

One Problem: I don't know where the nearest "cash machine" is. But hey, this is the digital age where you can find anything on the net. I hop over to my trusty Barclays website and within a few clicks I am at the "Branch and cash machine locator". I select "Barclays/Woolwich cash machine" and type in "Holborn" in the "London street" section and slam that "Next" button quicker than Latvian can get a pub job.

The list of results pop up immediately (I love my broadband). And you think that would be it. I am off to go get a my lunch.

Second problem: See if you can spot it.

You got it! 14,913.8 Miles to the nearest cash machine. I bet this site has already booked me a ticket on BA and check me in on there online check in system.

After recovering from shock me colleague told me there is one just up the street. And its definitely not 14,000+ miles away. The sweet relief... Allegedly Barclays have hooked up with Multimap on this and Multimap is to blame.

You'll be happy to know that I did get my sandwich and I dint have to travel to Antigua to get the cash. Although that might have been a good trip.

Saffa

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Say no more...

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Breathtaking...

Nasa has made public some stunning Hi Res images of the little blue marble we live on. I had some problems getting on to this site. Guess its overloaded by members of the Where is Wally Society...

"This spectacular "blue marble" image is the most detailed true-color image of the entire Earth to date. Using a collection of satellite-based observations, scientists and visualisers stitched together months of observations of the land surface, oceans, sea ice, and clouds into a seamless, true-color mosaic of every square kilometre (.386 square mile) of our planet. These images are freely available to educators, scientists, museums, and the public. This record includes preview images and links to full resolution versions up to 21,600 pixels across."

Here is the link to the full catalogue...

Saffa Dude
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Not the daddy...

This video clip of a guy finding out that he is not the father of some ho's kid, after DNA testing, is a must watch. Now this is how you celebrate... Watch and enjoy.

I think this is what Zuma felt like on the inside walking out of that courtroom yesterday. The only down side (for him) to him getting off is that he will never be able to become President. Spending time in the slammer is one of the prerequisite's for become the RSA Chief in Command, isn't it? If so, then ET is on up on you old boy and he also doesn't have to go for a test in a few months time. The Zuma camp is probably cheering that he doesn't get off so easy in the upcoming fraud trial.

Aquila has also brought us this one from the desk of the Madam and Eve creators. Chuck for President!!!!

Saffa Dude
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Bush gets it..

Doesn't really matter if you are a fan of George Dubya Bush or not. This video of Stephen Colbert (host of Comedy Central's fake news show) at the Washington Annual Correspondence Association Dinner ripping into the USA president and the stateside media armed with nothing but razer sharp, Minora Blade like, anecdotes is one of the most entertaining things doing its rounds on the net.

After watching it, it did not find it all surprising that the US press did not cover this bit of the evenings procedings at all. As they say: Freedom and Democracy means you can do or say anything you please, as long as you don't say anything about the guys who "control" that same Freedom and Democracy...

This wants me dig into Zuma a bit, but I'll leave that for another post.

Enjoy...

Part 1

Part 2

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Day of Glory - Forever

Yes, my friends. We all asked for it and now its here (well nearly).

Cricket South Africa has announced that they will be releasing a DVD of that gargantuan game of cricket that was played between the Proteas and Aus on 12 March 2006 (or "12/3 - The day of reckoning" as I like to refer to it). Now you can re-live every ball-crunching moment of the match, with some 20-20 action thrown in on as well. This time however you can enjoy the B E A Utiful batting in its full glory, without crying or jumping around (still optional), pausing to grab another beer...

The DVD will be available in shops 22 May and also on Kalahari.net

And please make sure that you are watching this when your Aussie mates come over for a quick visit (although this might result in a retraction of that invite to that free holiday in Aus). I have already ordered Ricky a copy...

Live the dream, over and over and over and over again...

Saffa Dude
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Shane on you!!!

Old Warney has done it again. In an article (NSFW) in yesterday's edition of The News of the World have published pictures (NSFW) of old Warney having a romp with two very agreeable young ladies. One of which is a MTV presenter.

The Man is a living legend indeed...

Saffa
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The Cousin is coming to town...

Hear ye, Hear ye...

My Cousin Barry Hilton will be doing a few gigs in London at the end of June. Get your tickets from his website NOW!!

The big night is on the 1st of July at the Slut and Legless in Fulham. Its the same day as the middel weekend of the Wimbledon tennis. A great way to end a long day at the tennis...

Saffa
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What Rooney could learn from rugby

Pardon my utter laziness in commenting, just read this...

Saffa
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A lovely gift...

Any wanting to buy there better (or worse half) a fluffy gift. Please check this one out before you go to any old teddy bear store...

Geniet dit...

Saffa
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What have we become...

It's sad I know... But yet in some strange way very funny...
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Cry Baby Flea - RHCP

Some have you might have noticed the link to Amazon to buy the new RHCP's album Stadium Arcadium in my Must Have's Section. After reading some news today that apparently, some random numbnut has leaked the album on the net before its release next Monday 8th May and Flea's (aka Michael Balzary) emotional (pathetic girl like) plea for people not to download it, I am tempted to remove this link. I have been a keen supporter of this band since I have been knee-high to a lingerie model, but this is one step to far.

I cannot and will never condone the illegal downloading of any music, video, etc. I am just so disappointed that the the best rock bassist known to man can go on like a 5 year old girl that has lost her skipping rope... wtf? You have to read it for yourself here, but I have copied some extracts for your entertainment...

"that's not very nice
if you down load it now off one of these file sharing sites you will be getting a pale imitation of the record it will be of the poor sound quality of the technique they used to get it on there and
that will break my heart
it will break john frusciante's heart
it will break anthony kiedis's heart and
it will break the heart of chad smith"

He then goes on to admit that there are more (business) reasons for his lame plea to the real RHCP's fans...

"and it is sad to me for the business reasons of course"

And the clincher at the end...

"yes, it is stealing from us, and that is lame
everyone has to live with their own conscience on that one
let it be your guide
but to take a version that has been defiled sound wise
a version in which some idiot has taken our year and a half of soul
baring work and pissed all over it that will break our hearts "

I for have already pre-ordered my copy and old Michael, John, Anthony and Chad don't have to worry about me stealing their souls and "pissing all over it". Don't worry old boy. The search party for your bollocks will be back soon. Once all that lovely green bills come flooding from us poor little law abiding citizens of RHCP land.

For those of you in the UK. They will be screening "Red Hot Chili Peppers live at Alcatraz!" on MTV 6th, 7th May 8pm, 5pm and keep an eye open for the upcoming gigs this summer all over the UK (if you can still get tickets), you will not regret seeing these guys live.

Enjoy, and please buy the album. We don't wants Flea's mommy calling our parents and getting us grounded...

Saffa
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TGIF...

Here we are at the end of sweating out another backbreaking four day week. And to celebrate the coming of two days of glorious weekend, here is something that has to make every man smile. And if it doesn't, we'll send out a search party for your marbles...

As some of you might already know. Our beloved Kelly Brook stars in a new movie titled THREE. Apart form the corny tagline "Three arrive. Only two survive." this is what one reviewer had to say on the IMDb website:

"This movie was much better than I was expecting. You know, late-night cable cheesecake movie, and it's true that the spectacular Kelly Brook spends almost all of her screen time in a tiny white bikini, gets naked and has very hot sex with abandon with both of her costars. And the wretched soundtrack certainly fits the genre. But the acting of the whole cast rises above the material. Kelly Brook delivers a very solid and believable performance, and Billy Zane completely nails his part in a deeply human and nuanced tour de force. Perfect stealth date movie--good enough for a woman to enjoy it as a drama, and yet so hot she'll want to jump your bones as soon as it's over."

Although it might be a movie for the DVD collection I am strangely tempted to go and oogle at a 15ft Kelly at the cinema.

Here is another little link for you guys that have to much time to waste...

Saffa

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Just do it...

I feel very in touch with humanity today (probs because the sun is shining in London, very rare as you guys know).

So I am doing my bit to speak out against slave labor...

Watchit...

Saffa Dude

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Mr T takes on Dr Phil

The wish granting leprechaun has been good to us this year and it is not about to stop. According to News24 Mr T is going to host a talk show Dr Phil style.

"The 'T' stands for talking," Mr. T said in an interview with The Associated Press. "I'm going to talk it up. It's what I've been doing all my life."
The series starts in October. He will offer help to people struggling with personal or professional problems.
"My show aint no `Dr. Phil,' with people sitting around crying," he said. "You're a fool - that's what's wrong with you. You're a fool if you don't take my advice."

If this doesn't air in the UK I am gonna beat some sucka fools to pulp...

Saffa
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Zuma: Always just promises...

I try to stay away from politics on this site, but Ostendo have posted this beauty. And since SA politics is more like a episode of Prison Break, I could not resist.

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A solution for Cape Town power cuts...

With the Cape Town power cuts a distant memory, I doubt if this is any use to anyone. But anyone who has lived in SA for more than a month would know that the story is not finished and everybody can be reading at candles and playing monopoly (no TV), again very soon.

I found the solution. Its called ECube and quoting Gizmodo "ECube Laughs At Power Cuts".

Get one now, before your neighbor does...

Another nifty gadget brought to you by Saffa Dude.

Product link: ECube: Emergency Relief Unit
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Best Movie Scenes - Dogfight

I was recently asked, what the best scene in a movie ever. And the numbnut that asked me actually expected me to come up with answer right there and then to the all time greatest scene EVER, so that he can probably just come up with a better one 10 secs later and take all the glory in the group.

Now there is no such thing as a best scene. All our half educated movie lovers know that, but what I am gonna do is dig out a few categories and over the next few weeks find the my favorite scene by category.

To kick off.. I chose the action genre. And in particular a good old all American airforce dogfight. Nothing better in than (except maybe p*rn) to get the heartrate shooting through the roof and feeling like you have been strapped in a jet fighter yourself.

The scene I am referring to ins at the start of the movie "Behind Enemy Lines". The director did a great job here to get you interested in sitting all the way through this film, that looses almost all speed after this scene and crawls to and end. But you have to give them credit for this scene. Getting the Saffa Dude No. 1 spot in the Fighter Pilot (Dogfight) category, even though they get shot down. Its just B..E..A..Utiful to watch.

Here is the clip...



Saffa
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Keira Knightley does it for us...

Before I properly congratulate Kiera personally this weekend, I thought I'll post a congratulatory post on the blog for her being voted FHM's sexiest woman of the year.

It will be only rude not to mention the other nine angels in the Top 10...

1. Keira Knightley
2. Keeley Hazell
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Angelina Jolie
5. Kelly Brook
6. Cheryl Tweedy
7. Beyonce Knowles
8. Evangelina Lily
9. Jessica Alba
10. Jessica Simpson

Saffa

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